What are the most important relationship red flags that you need to be aware of?
I'm glad you asked. If you bring awareness to the things that may be bothering you in your relationship, you can either take the necessary steps to rectify them, or you can move on. Either way, awareness is a better strategy than burying your head in the sand.
I'd say that one of the most important relationship red flags is a feeling of disconnection from your partner. This happens when you don't make eye contact anymore, you don't smile at each other any more, you don't hold hands anymore, and you can't remember when last you shared your biggest desires and your greatest fears.
If you answered no to any of the above questions, your relationship may be in trouble. This may be a good time to ask yourself what you can do to reconnect.
Another one of the relationship red flags I see most often in my private practice is needs that go unfulfilled. Here's an example:
A couple, let's call them Bryan and Rhonda, recently came to see me for relationship counselling. From the very first words that Bryan uttered, it was clear that he had loads of pent-up anger towards his wife. He didn't feel that she was fulfilling his sexual needs. Rhonda, on the other hand, complained that Bryan wasn't fulfilling her emotional needs. She wanted him to be more caring and supportive. She craved affection that had nothing to do with making love. She just wanted to him to acknowledge how tired she was, how hard she tried to be a good mother and make a good home for their family, and she felt all he wanted was to get her alone in the bedroom.
Once they realised they both had to give what their partner needed most in order to get their own needs met, their relationship changed dramatically. The hardest part was to let go of their resentment and commit to focus on their partner's needs instead of their own. It's a simple mind shift, but it saved their marriage.
I'm sure it goes without saying that any forms of addiction or abuse are huge relationship red flags. If your partner is addicted to any substance, it will always be their first love. If they're not willing to get help, you have some serious thinking to do. If not addressed, addictions tend to get worse, and the impact on relationships are usually wholly destructive.
It's also important to know that you don't have to tolerate any kind of abuse, whether it's physical or emotional. Abuse is unacceptable in a relationship, so make sure to get help. This is one instance where it really is better to be safe than sorry.
Awaken to Love is one of those rare treasures that you want to return to again and again and again. The author shares generously about her own relationship challenges and her work with clients as a relationship therapist, and provides practical teachings and exercises that can be implemented immediately to transcend pain, heal heartbreak and transform an intimate relationship from a place of disconnection and conflict into a haven of love. This sounds like a big promise, but it is fulfilled in the explanation of how relationship is essentially a spiritual journey.
Relationships aren't meant to be 'perfect'. The author explains how relationships challenge you, shape you and help you grow. The book provides excellent guidance on how to love yourself first, release old patterns and manage intense emotions, as well as how to deal with conflict, practice forgiveness, celebrate passion, and actualise the true meaning of love.
A highlight is the author's 'Love Illuminations' that introduce each chapter. For example,
'As challenging as they are, love relationships are part of the moving, breathing, unfolding cycle of life. Just like the seasons, relationships change. If you expect it to be sunny every day, you will be disappointed. If you resist the wind and the rain, you will be frustrated. The very nature of love is dynamic. Nothing can stay alive and vibrant without dying and being reborn occasionally. The challenge is to embrace change because it also holds the gift. Without change there is no growth. Without growth, love dies.'
This book should be required reading for all couples who want to work towards having happy, soulful and fulfilling relationships. ~ Willow Johnson
From Awaken to Love....
"Love is when the other person's happiness is more important than your own."
~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr. ~
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Amazon Best-selling Author
First Prize Winner:
"most impressive, most marketable title..."
~ Chosen by Hay House Team, including President and CEO Reid Tracy
Mia Rose with Deepak Chopra at the Hay House Writer's Workshop, Melbourne 2013.
"Dr. Mia has created a compelling work that explores loving relationships in a whole new light. She leads the reader to explore the most tender and intimate aspects of loving relationships using her mastery as a professional therapist with a twist - she shares from her heart! The power, warmth and beauty of her personal experience connect with the reader in ways most books on relationships never will!" ~ Mark E. Hundley, Licensed Professional Counselor and Author of Awaken to Good Mourning.
"Mia Rose is a modern day master in the art of LOVE and personal relationships. Her compelling story of her own transformation and the wisdom she shares in Awaken to Love is food for the soul and wisdom for anyone who has ever been in love." ~ Ariaa Jaeger, Spiritual Life Strategist, Philosopher, Author of Ariaaisms ~ Spiritual Food for the Soul, AriaaQuotes and The Book of Ariaa