As a couples therapist, I'm frequently asked for online relationship advice. One of the questions I'm asked most often is why people's feelings change once they've been in a committed relationship for a while. Another question that I'm often asked relates to people feeling that their needs are not being fulfilled, and not understanding how their partners think. The most important thing to know is that challenges in your relationship don't equal disaster. If you're willing to take a step back and focus on solutions rather than problems, it's possible to build a strong and lasting relationship that is built on a fair exchange of give-and-take.
The truth is that feelings do change over time, and relationships change too. That's only natural. We can't expect to have the same feelings when we're forty than when we're twenty-five. We all move through different stages in our personal growth, and sometimes we grow together... other times we grow apart.
The good news is that personal growth doesn't have to mean doom and gloom for the relationship. As we grow, we gain wisdom from experience, and how to deal with situations a little more maturely. But the intention has to be there to prioritise your intimate relationship - and to fulfil your partner's needs to the absolute best of your ability.
A relationship can only survive if both partners feel that their needs are being fulfilled. And we have to understand that needs differ. Chances are that there are going to be discrepancies in what YOU value most vs what your partner values. And you're going to have different ideas about everything from sex, money, to raising children.
The best online relationship advice I can give you, is to get to know your partner's soul. Ask yourself this:
The challenge is to understand where your partner is coming from, what is meaningful to them, and how you can support to live a happy life. It's essential to negotiate differing values and needs, and to find a midway that you can both live with. Of course it's easier when both parties are willing to be flexible and make allowances for the sake of the relationship. But even if your partner isn't, you can still change the dynamic in the relationship by refusing to be reactive, and by acting wisely and maturely in the face of adversity.
So today, think before you speak. Put yourself in your partner's shoes. Forgive AND forget. Simply be kind. Small acts of caring can go a very long way towards strengthening your relationship and creating joy.
And after all, isn't a relationship supposed to be joyful? Ask yourself what you can do to create more fun and laughter between you TODAY.
Tomorrow might just be too late.
A lot of couples struggle with intimacy and passion in their relationships, especially when they move out of those initial stage of being 'IN love'. Feel free to download the passion and intimacy chapter from my prize-winning book, Awaken to Love.
Just click on the link below:
Awaken to Love is one of those rare treasures that you want to return to again and again and again. The author shares generously about her own relationship challenges and her work with clients as a relationship therapist, and provides practical teachings and exercises that can be implemented immediately to transcend pain, heal heartbreak and transform an intimate relationship from a place of disconnection and conflict into a haven of love. This sounds like a big promise, but it is fulfilled in the explanation of how relationship is essentially a spiritual journey.
Relationships aren't meant to be 'perfect'. The author explains how relationships challenge you, shape you and help you grow. The book provides excellent guidance on how to love yourself first, release old patterns and manage intense emotions, as well as how to deal with conflict, practice forgiveness, celebrate passion, and actualise the true meaning of love.
A highlight is the author's 'Love Illuminations' that introduce each chapter. For example,
'As challenging as they are, love relationships are part of the moving, breathing, unfolding cycle of life. Just like the seasons, relationships change. If you expect it to be sunny every day, you will be disappointed. If you resist the wind and the rain, you will be frustrated. The very nature of love is dynamic. Nothing can stay alive and vibrant without dying and being reborn occasionally. The challenge is to embrace change because it also holds the gift. Without change there is no growth. Without growth, love dies.'
This book should be required reading for all couples who want to work towards having happy, soulful and fulfilling relationships. ~ Willow Johnson
From Awaken to Love....
To do with you what spring does with the cherry trees.”
~ Pablo Neruda ~
If you think one of your friends or family members could possibly benefit from reading my page on online relationship advice, please be so kind to pass it on or share on social media. xo
Amazon Best-selling Author
First Prize Winner:
"most impressive, most marketable title..."
~ Chosen by Hay House Team, including President and CEO Reid Tracy
Mia Rose with Deepak Chopra at the Hay House Writer's Workshop, Melbourne 2013.
"Dr. Mia has created a compelling work that explores loving relationships in a whole new light. She leads the reader to explore the most tender and intimate aspects of loving relationships using her mastery as a professional therapist with a twist - she shares from her heart! The power, warmth and beauty of her personal experience connect with the reader in ways most books on relationships never will!" ~ Mark E. Hundley, Licensed Professional Counselor and Author of Awaken to Good Mourning.
"Mia Rose is a modern day master in the art of LOVE and personal relationships. Her compelling story of her own transformation and the wisdom she shares in Awaken to Love is food for the soul and wisdom for anyone who has ever been in love." ~ Ariaa Jaeger, Spiritual Life Strategist, Philosopher, Author of Ariaaisms ~ Spiritual Food for the Soul, AriaaQuotes and The Book of Ariaa