Love Poetry: always always
by katie
(scottsdale, arizona)
'i already hate writing this and i'm only one sentence in.
to put it simply: i think a part of me is always going to be in love with you.
always always.
i could be wrong about that. maybe when i fall really truly head over heels with someone else, i'll be able to think back on you and not feel anything.
but right now, that is not the case. right now, at least a little part of my heart is certain it will always be yours. i'm branded.
always always.
i've had crushes before. i've admired boys before. i've had respect for boys before, pined for boys before, been frustrated with boys before, waited and waited and waited AND WAITED on boys before. so it's not like you were anything new.
but somehow, you were.
i could never fully stop thinking about you. every time i went somewhere i knew you'd be, i was on alert. i wanted you to notice me. i wanted you to talk to me. it was pathetic, really, now that i'm writing this down -- i can see how wrapped up in you i always was.
always...am.
always always.
the dreams. those weren't fair. but there you were. there you always were, every. single. night. for months and months on end.
always always.
it took a loooong time for me to be ready and willing to just jump into it. to just give it a go. to take a risk, take a leap, push you up against a wall and kiss you.
but ... i never did.
timing never seemed to be on our side.
and a part of me feels like i will always sincerely regret that.
always always.
fact: you would never be any good for me. terrible, maybe.
other fact: explain that to a heart that still wanders up into my throat every time i see you or hear your name.
i prayed that you would go away. it sounds cruel, but i really did. i asked God to make. it. stop. and get you out of my head.
but, you didn't go away. maybe it's not because of romance. maybe i have something i need to learn.
yes maybe.
but whatever the reason, you were always there. you ARE always there. even still.
always always.'
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