Wondering how to love best?
It's easy to fall in love, but not always so easy to make a relationship work for you. If you're wondering how to love truly and fully, author Russ Harris has some advice. He has a very workable acronym for the word ‘LOVE.’ To fully love, you have to do the following:
L – Letting go
O – Opening up
V – Valuing
E - Engaging
Let’s explore these elements as they may relate to your relationship...
Your mind is a master story-teller and continually comes up with thoughts about your life. Some of these stories your mind tells you are true – but many are based on your perceptions, judgments, beliefs, assumptions, attitudes, fantasies, ideas, concepts, opinions… well, you get the idea. Your mind is particularly good at reminding you of lots of terrible things that happened in the past, and conjuring up dreadful images of what may go wrong in the future. It also likely points out all your partner’s faults and weaknesses, and makes lots of judgments about your relationship. Letting go is about understanding that just because you think something, doesn’t mean it’s true! If you hold on too tightly to all these stories, they have the power to drag you down to the depths of despair. However, if you just loosen your grip a little and let some of them go, you may find it in your heart to let go of any possible blaming, resentment, bitterness, worrying or criticizing that have the power to make you so unhappy. The more you practice the ability to let go of your own thoughts rather than hold on to them, the better you are able to respond to the ongoing challenges of being in an intimate relationship. To make this as practical as possible, I would like you to answer the following question: To enhance your relationship, what unhelpful expectations, rules, judgments and criticisms could you let go of?
Being in an intimate relationship is a rich playground for the appearance of painful feelings. When we’re in pain, we tend to shut down – from our partners, and even from ourselves. The more pain we’ve experienced in our lives (and most people have been through a lot!) the thicker are the barriers of self-protection that we erect. However, if you want your relationship to thrive, sooner or later, you have to take those barriers down. Opening up can make you feel very vulnerable in the beginning, but there is such a wonderful pay-off. It is called true intimacy. It’s impossible to have a rich, rewarding relationship without intimacy after all! And isn’t that exactly what you’re longing for with your partner? Again, ask yourself, how can you open yourself up more to your partner in order to create more intimacy and connection?
With valuing I mean taking action in the direction of your values. For example, you may value family and want to make your relationship work for the sake of your family. Then it becomes about taking action based on your values rather than on your needs. So, consider what are your values underlying family, caring and connection, intimacy? Which of your values may be more important than any needs you may have (if any) and what actions are you willing to take to support your values in terms of your relationship with your partner? Are you willing to explore new ways to enhance your relationship with your partner, and if so, how?
Engaging means being emotionally present to your partner and focusing on him with genuine interest and caring. The more you open yourself up to him and engage – whether in communication or intimacy – the stronger and deeper your connection will be. Therefore, how can you engage more with your partner in communication and sharing?
If you train yourself to think of LOVE as an ongoing process, something that you can hold onto even when the feelings of love are absent (because remember, feelings come and go much like the weather), you can truly bond on a deep level where there can be a ‘total sharing of emotions, sensations and feelings’ – exactly what most of us are longing for!
From Awaken to Love....
Amazon Best-selling Author
First Prize Winner:
"most impressive, most marketable title..."
~ Chosen by Hay House Team, including President and CEO Reid Tracy
Mia Rose with Deepak Chopra at the Hay House Writer's Workshop, Melbourne 2013.
"Dr. Mia has created a compelling work that explores loving relationships in a whole new light. She leads the reader to explore the most tender and intimate aspects of loving relationships using her mastery as a professional therapist with a twist - she shares from her heart! The power, warmth and beauty of her personal experience connect with the reader in ways most books on relationships never will!" ~ Mark E. Hundley, Licensed Professional Counselor and Author of Awaken to Good Mourning.
"Mia Rose is a modern day master in the art of LOVE and personal relationships. Her compelling story of her own transformation and the wisdom she shares in Awaken to Love is food for the soul and wisdom for anyone who has ever been in love." ~ Ariaa Jaeger, Spiritual Life Strategist, Philosopher, Author of Ariaaisms ~ Spiritual Food for the Soul, AriaaQuotes and The Book of Ariaa