A Matter of Trust

Wondering what developing trust in relationships is all about?

Irrevocable Trust in Relationships

As a psychologist I work with developing trust in relationships and trust issues on a daily basis. I have also personally had my fair share of trust issues over the years. Lately though, I have gained some new insights regarding trust in relationships that have made quite a difference in how I not only view love, but life itself.

When we say we trust someone, what are we really saying? We’re saying that we trust that person not to hurt us, not to disappoint us. We’re saying that we trust that person to conform to our own expectations.

We may trust our partners therefore to love us forever, to always show up, and to be constantly attentive – or whatever else our own needs are. Our own needs and expectations, however, have very little to do with who our partners are in essence or how they choose to live their lives. They’re human, after all, and on their own journey, which means that they are free to learn and grow and change. It also means that it is not their sole purpose on earth to please us!

The same goes for life. If we say we trust life, we’re really saying that we trust life to be good to us, to fulfil our own needs. That doesn’t have a whole lot to do with how life is in reality. Life doesn’t care all that much about our personal needs and expectations. If we put our trust in life being kind to us at all times, we’re in for a whole world of pain.

So where does that leave us with trust in relationships and in life?

Maybe we can just shift our focus a little…. Maybe we can trust life to be exactly what it is – with all its shades of love and loss. Maybe we can trust our partners to be exactly who they are – in all their wonderful and disappointing hues… and maybe we can trust ourselves to be as perfect as we are broken – just like everyone else.

To feel truly loved, you need to have an irrevocable trust in your partner... but you need to be trust-worthy too.

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